Every married woman will encounter problems with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This point can never be avoided.
But the problem is that, on the surface, the term “mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship” only refers to “mother-in-law and daughter-in-law”, and has nothing to do with the husband.
In fact, in real life, whenever the wife and the mother have a quarrel, the husband always likes to say, “That’s your business. Why are you both blaming me?”
The quality of the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law generally depends on the relationship between the husband and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Yes. Why? Because he doesn’t have the correct concept.
In fact, the term “mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship” is originally a false proposition. Because the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not just a matter between two individuals; it’s more like a “triangular” relationship. Moreover, an increasing number of studies have shown that the “husband” often plays a supporting role in this triangular relationship.
Therefore, getting one’s husband to change his mindset is the top priority.
So, what should a husband do to facilitate the stability of the relationship between his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
1. Don’t be “blindly filial” or “obedient”.
This is probably the most common problem. Many men, when dealing with the relationship between their mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, often, out of so-called “filial piety”, indiscriminately criticize their wives and say, “They are elders. Just be a little more considerate of them and consider them filial…”
This statement was spoken lightly, but the speaker was casual while the listener was attentive. It might be fine to do it once or twice, but over time, a woman will gradually lose heart towards her family and husband, and her love for him will gradually wane. Eventually, she will develop a sense of despair towards this marriage.
Yes, filial piety is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, but this doesn’t mean that we have to obey everything. Parents are also adults with judgment and endurance. Why should we “give in a little”? Neither your wife nor your parents can be spoiled. When it’s time to reason, don’t be sentimental. Treat everyone equally.
2. Try to help your wife integrate into the family instead of excluding her.
This is actually very difficult. You should know that you have lived in front of your parents for decades and they know everything about your life like the back of their hand. But your wife, their daughter-in-law, is really just a “newcomer” to them. There are too many unknowns and too many unfamiliar barriers that need to be broken.
So, if your parents are critical of your wife in front of you, never help them respond and join this group. Don’t ignore your wife’s feelings just to appease your parents’ resentment. Don’t think that your wife can be comforted later. It surely can’t be coaxed.
Even if she managed to pacify her for a while, it would still leave a shadow in her heart, because even her most trusted husband would treat her as an outsider and criticize her without any protection. You must speak well of your wife in front of your parents more often. When your parents say bad things about your wife, you must speak up for her and help explain the misunderstandings.
3. Please do not be a simple microphone.
As the saying goes, “A good man will keep it from both sides, while a bad man will pass it on to both sides.” That is to say, a smart man will keep it from both sides if his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law say something bad to each other, but a stupid man will “pass it on” to both sides and say directly, “Look, XX has already told you. Be more careful in the future ~”
No one likes it when others speak ill of them behind their backs, let alone the “family” they spend every day with. Don’t simply tell the other party directly about the problem to solve it. On the contrary, it will only deepen the conflict and further widen the gap.
So at this point, men need to use their wisdom to handle it well. They should be good at reconciling and act as their mediator, saying more kind words about them in front of them. And in the future interactions, find the appropriate distance and space for each other. Only by gradually adjusting to each other can we live in peace and harmony.
