In fact, it has become an increasingly common psychological phenomenon that the closer one is to someone, the less patience one has. Moreover, the faster the social development speed is, the more obvious this psychological tendency of people will be. So, why do we have less patience with people who are closer to us? To sum up briefly, Blue Sky believes that there are at least the following reasons:
Firstly, when there are more choices in communication between people. Confiding in close people and having in-depth exchanges can have aftereffects.
In fact, many of us will have similar experiences. When we are in A bad mood and want to chat with a close family member or friend, originally we only want to talk about A with them, but they will mention B and C. Sometimes, they even worry about the possible D that might happen later. Not only does it fail to help, but it also easily spreads the troubles and problems.
Secondly, the closer the relationship between people, the more likely there is to be emotional blackmail, especially between parents. Moreover, this kind of unconditional and selfless love and emotion can also easily impose a psychological burden on people subconsciously.
Why do we become less patient with people who are closer to us?
As the saying goes, parents’ hearts are truly pitiful. The love and affection of parents for their children can be regarded as the witness of heaven and earth, and it can also be said to be the greatest emotion in the world. However, Chinese parents tend to have a desire to control their children because they love them too deeply. They will kidnap the beloved one in the name of love. Even parents are mostly unable to notice. So, many times, young people or children would rather save themselves from trouble. When there is something to deal with, they would rather bear it alone or find someone they are not very close to to confide in.
Thirdly, one always believes that the people close to them are all one’s own. No matter what I do, they will forgive me. And we still have plenty of time in the future.
When a person lives in an environment with great pressure and a fast pace with such a mentality, it is particularly easy for them to develop a kind of psychological slackness. Often, it’s not that there is no such wish, but that as time goes by, it cools down; as time goes by, it fades away. As a result, every time there is nothing but self-blame and regret. This kind of mentality, however, can very well explain the sense of powerlessness of “wanting to support the child but the parents are no longer there”.
Fourthly, when dealing with those close to us, we may lose a kind of patience that is needed out of curiosity because we understand each other better, and even lack a kind of considerate “putting ourselves in others’ shoes”. And this is precisely the beginning of emotional communication and single-level thinking.
Often, we have so many things to say, but once we encounter familiar faces, we lose all interest. Subconsciously, we will actively build a dam of communication. We will have a preconceived notion that he is just that kind of person. Without saying it, I know what he will say to me. Anyway, he won’t understand me, and so on.
Fifth, we are used to the fact that those close to us are always kind to us. Over time, it’s easy to take these loves for granted and thus neglect them.
This reminds me of a story in my daughter’s composition book. A girl in primary school, because her mother had to take care of her sick younger brother for a period of time, somewhat neglected her daily care. So, after having a little quarrel with my mother, I resolutely ran away from home. After leaving home, she was penniless and very hungry. She kept looking at the old lady selling wontons by the roadside. Seeing this, the old lady brought a bowl of wontons for the little girl to eat. The little girl was so moved that tears streamed down her face, saying that the old lady was her benefactor. If only her mother could be as kind to her as the old lady.
However, when the old lady learned of the situation, she told the little girl a sentence: “I just gave you a bowl of wontons by chance, while your mother was the one who carried you for ten months, raised you with all her might, and had to prepare three meals a day and worry about everything for you every day…” You can regard someone like me as a benefactor, but why did you forget your mother? After hearing her grandma’s words, the little girl wiped away her tears and went home.
